Everything You Need To know About Dating While Abstaining From Sex

I think we tend to give sex too much power and not enough power to God’s will, what do you think?

Let’s face it, dating while abstaining isn’t easy, there may be days (and even lonely nights) where you just wanna throw in the towel and call ya lil boo thang and lay it on them. But you can’t, you’re stronger and better than that (at least that’s what you need to tell yourself everyday even when you don’t believe it). It’s not for the weak, but for the strong minded and not everyone is mentally and emotionally capable of abstaining from sex.

Here’s a little quote I received from Sprinkle of Jesus: Don’t let loneliness lead you back to people and things God already revealed and removed…yup, that includes your ex, boo thang, entanglement, alllat!

Most of these people either feel like they’ve gone too far and there’s no way of coming out and they’re scared of losing “good” people in their life or they’ve just gotten too comfortable and don’t care at all, taking a risk each time they have sex (yup, you know that even if you wear a condom, you can still catch an STD from someone). They think God is upstairs ready to punish them so they try to shun Him out when all He wants to do is just heal them, He literally has your back, trust me, I know!

But ladies and gentlemen, it’s not the end of the world when you decide to date while abstaining from sex! You just have to think about the real reason WHY you’re doing it and WHO you want to attract.

My why is because pre-marital sex doesn’t serve me or my purpose. It’s a temporary fulfillment that can cause permanent damage. Examples of permanent damage can be physical and emotional, this could be unmet expectations from your partner, unwanted stds, unwanted pregnancies, unwanted abortions (I heard they’re expensive and painful) and unexpected negative energies transferred from your partner. Who I want to attract is my husband. The man who will honor me and my body and pray for me when I need prayer.

SN: the whole time I was trying to manifest certain things in my life (scripting, quantum jumping, incense burning, etc.) yet having sex, I wasn’t able to achieve or attract abundance because I was living in sin. That’s what the enemy wanted. God wanted to bless me with certain things (house, husband, wealth, etc.) but He couldn’t give it to me because I was blocking my blessings with sex! We can be our biggest enemy without even realizing it.

So now, I’m doing things differently because “greater is HE that is within me” so that I CAN attract abundance in the way God wants me to. So many of us give the universe power when we’re forgetting who created the universe…GOD lol and I’m not saying the universe won’t give you what you want but that doesn’t mean God won’t take it away!

With that being said, here are my steps for dating while abstaining from sex:

1.    Create boundaries: yup, no more Netflix and chill, no late night visits and no overnight stays. Set a curfew for yourself and your partner.

2.    Do it with someone who’s equally yoke: don’t try to convert someone to abstinence or celibacy. It’s not fair to you or them when you do this because you’re telling God “I don’t trust you and I don’t want to wait for who you have for me, let me do this myself. Let me do the work while you just sit there and chill.” Trust me, this does not work. It will have you deeply hurt thinking someone is celibate along with you and they’re not.

3.    Be honest with people: tell them straight up, “I’m not looking for casual sex. I’m intentionally seeking the right one for me.” They will either laugh, lie, move on or respect it. Abstaining from sex is the best way to weed out who’s not for you.

If it’s not their intent to be in it, then it’s not your intent to bring them to it.

4.    Stop relying on your zodiac signs: rely instead on the green signs the’yre showing you. We tend to look for the red flags associated with zodiac signs and tend to ignore the green signs God gives us. See people for who they really are and how they make you feel, not by what month they were born in.

5.    Know that you’re not single: when you’re “single” you’re technically in a relationship with God. So be loyal to Him and keep your lifestyle in alignment with His values. Trust me, dating God is like no other relationship! You’ll find yourself happier and positive, and that’s the type of people you’ll attract.

6.    Build a friendship: when you build a friendship with someone, it takes the focus on the physical part out of the equation and is more focused on the emotional, mental and spiritual bonding. When you make friends with people, like your coworker or neighbor, you don’t think about having sex with them right? Well keep this same energy with this person. You’ll find yourself happier with them and if it doesn’t work out, there aren’t any soul ties so you’re good either way! Isn’t that beautiful? Besides, the correct steps to sex is friendship, courtship, marriage and THEN sex. I heard married sex is way more magical than casual sex…who knows, I may write a blog on it once I’m married.

7.    Do not masturbate: I recently learned that masturbation is off limits when you want to purify your thoughts and behaviors. When you masturbate, you create images in your mind that are not of God’s will. You may even think of someone and this creates lust which is also a sexual sin. So, what do you do instead? I’ll tell you next.

8.    Journal: my brand is called Davida’s Diary for a reason because I love writing in my diary/journal at night. I had to switch my focus from writing “Dear Diary” as if I’m writing to a friend or to myself and shift to “Dear God.” This allows me to cast my burdens unto Him, thank Him for the amazing or “character building” day I had, how I felt and how I want to feel. I let Him decide what’s best for me instead of me telling him all that I want. Trust me, He knows already! He knows what’s best for you sis/bro.

I hope this helps you on your journey. You’re not alone. There are plenty of people who are on the same journey as you and they’re praying for people like you to meet. So don’t give up, stand firm and continue to live live in your purpose over pleasure.

Here’s a little something I made up the other day when this guy I was dating asked me if I’d sleep with him after he told me he’s not ready to be in a relationship: “If you’re not good enough for them to be with, they’re not good enough for you to sleep with” drops mic (or pen, same difference).