How Best To Identify If You Are In A Toxic Relationship
Many of us have been in or currently in a toxic relationship and are either afraid to get out or don’t know how. It’s like we know can do better and we deserve better, but we stay stuck. We ignore the fact that tomorrow is not promised and our lives could be taken away in the blink of an eye just like Kobe and Gigi.
I believe it is important for us to take the necessary steps to learn if we are In one and how to get out. However, it takes time, but we have to be aggressive with our safety. This is the era of the women and we must take a stand to protect our minds, body and spirit.
In church today, the pastor spoke that if a person has control over your mind, he does not need to put his hands on you. When a man has control over how we think, dress, act, speak and even eat. We already know what to do and he does not have to tell us. This is also a form of abuse and not many people think it is because it’s not physical. But if you are in a relationship where a man controls you, you are in a toxic relationship. Below, you will find my list that I teach college students on healthy dating to identify that you are in a toxic relationship and need to get out.
Poor Communication: if he is inconsistent with his communication, this is unhealthy because it can cause stress. For instance, let’s say you have a date planned and you get all dressed up to have dinner at Maggiano’s at 7. At 7:30 he texts you and says “sorry, I won’t be able to make it” that’s a sign he does not care about you. Timeliness is key when it comes to communication.
Financial Dependence: any time you have to take care of a man, and he feels comfortable about asking you for money, that’s unhealthy. What will happen is he will promise to pay you back, and he never will. So you may stay in the relationship because you know if you break up with him, you will not get it back, so you stay with him keeping hope alive, not realizing he will be taking more and more money. Also, when you start saying no, his behavior will change and he may become violent. Keep in mind that this is also financial abuse.
Lying about small things:if he lies about what time he gets off work, or who he’s with or maybe even where he lives (I had an ex who did this once, told me he lived with a roommate, but it was his mom the whole time), then he will lie about bigger things. They key idea here is that if he can get away with small things, he will advance.
Blaming you for things our of your control: if he blames you for things you have no control over, be very careful. You and him could get in an argument that he started, and he could be late for work. He may blame you for his tardiness and you may not think it is a big deal until it advances. He could hit you and blame you for making him mad. This is a bright red flag in toxic relationships.
Keeps tabs on you: if a man is calling you while you are out, asking you where you are, who are you with, when are you coming back, he is keeping tabs on you because he does not trust you. He could also be keeping tabs on you to make sure you don’t catch him slipping. Pay attention to how he calls you. If it is ALWAYS FaceTime, just be cautious, he could be using this is a subtle way of asking you where you are and who you are with without actually having to ask.
There are more to this list which I will address in another blog. However, if you are in a toxic relationship or just dating in general and want to be safe, then I encourage you to download my FREE book, 10 Best Ways To Prevent Victimization, it could save your life and your friends life if you share it with them. This book will empower you in all aspects, not just dating. I Leave you with this quote I created:
“An empowered woman, is a safe woman”
Thanks for reading, and please stay safe!