To Be Successful, You Must Be Secured In All THESE Levels, here’s how and whY

My philosophy is “secure yourself first, then secure the bag” because I strongly believe that we, especially women can not secure the bag if we are not secured. Being secured means that you are locked in mentally, physically, psychologically, sexually, emotionally and financially. If you are not secure, then you’re loose, and everything will fall apart.

We must hold ourselves accountable to have those conversations with each other and lose the fear of embarrassment. I’d rather be an embarrassment to others, than be an embarrassment to myself. If I am embarrassed in front of others, there may be some that laugh, but there will be some that have been through it and can help me get back on my feet. If I try to learn from it myself, then I could be re-inventing the wheel without proper guidance.

I fully support being secured, so I created an organization called Secured Society to form a networking alliance of women to meet up monthly to empower eachother so that we can be secured in all aspects. I think it’s safe to say that if you read my blogs on a regular basis, then you are a virtual member of secured society (heyyy girl heyyy). As a criminologist, I strategically focused on my organization being secured mentally, physically, psychologically, sexually, emotionally and financially, because these are all types of abuse and each type is important. Now whether or not they all equal the same, can create controversy but it’s important to address all the types, not just physical.

SN: In my past relationships, I was the victim and the perpetrator. Although I was not physically abusive, I was verbally. I would call my exes all sorts of names and strip them away from their manhood and it affected them mentally. However, if they chose to hit me, I’m the one who abused first. There is always a reaction to every action and we are all responsible for our actions.

When we women experience toxic relationships and move on to either pursuing a career or another relationship, there is a necessary healing process that needs to take place. Otherwise, there will be some triggers that can affect us in the long term. Someone could call you a certain name your ex called you, or someone can grab your arm in a playful manner not realizing it could be the same way your ex grabbed you, anything that can trigger your memory can affect you and your goals.

For instance, let’s take Kate Spade for example, I love using her story because I love her brand. A week before she killed herself, I was finally able to afford my first Kate Spade bag and I felt so accomplished to support a successful business woman, not knowing that although she was successful in her business, she was not successful in her mental state. Due to depression after a terrible divorce, she took her own life. She had everything that we could only imagine in this world, but she was not secured mentally or emotionally, and a toxic relationship can do that to you if you don’t know how to heal from it. You must have a strong support system.

This is why it is important to practice self-love, seek counseling, and join groups (such as Secured Society) to be secured in all these areas. We also encourage men to join to get their perspectives.

One unique thing about Secured Society is that every time we meet, we interlock our pointer fingers with eachother as we cross our arms to show that we are “locked in” in an all aspects. This group has become a sisterhood for all women to hold ourselves accountable, lose the fear of embarrassment and share our story with one another. Women who share their stories are secured women, or at least working their way to being secured because of the bonds that come from it. We are all connected in some fashion. Our relationship with our partners and our friends can affect our relationship with our business and our clients but in 2020, I need all relationships to thrive, can I get an Amen?

If you live in Atlanta and want to join Secured Society, click here. We are having brunch on Valentine’s Day and I encourage you to join us!

If you need a little more guidance on what a toxic relationship is and how to avoid them, then I encourage you to read “Toxic Relationships: Why and How You should Avoid Them”