Male's Perspective on Toxic Relationships: Interview With My Ex

Last week I decided that I would interview my exes from my toxic relationships to get their insights. I did a poll to see if my followers would read it and 95% of who voted said yes, so I took action! I believe this would help women like me who want to know the other side of the coin and how I may have played a part in it, to help identify patterns that need attention. I also wanted to know if I contributed anything that caused the relationship to be toxic. 

It would help serve as a healing process which can lead to being secured when seeking new relationships and even friendships.

By the way, this is my ex from YEARS ago, when I was in college. We dated on and off for almost a year and a half after we met at a college party. Everything was perfect in the beginning until my intuition gave me speculations of him cheating on me but couldn’t prove it. I remember I even went as far as parking outside of a movie theater he claimed to be at with his friends, just so I could catch him in the act, but I didn’t, silly me! However, when we took a break, I had all the evidence in the world from text messages to seeing a woman’s bra on the floor in our bedroom. We were on a break so I couldn’t call it cheating, yet I went back after the break, foolish me. By the way, don’t ever go on a break. Men are slick when they go on breaks and try to get away with more because the leash is temporarily taken off, so they run wild!

But anyways, without further ado, let's get started!

Q: Would you say that our relationship was toxic? If so, on a scale of 1-10, how toxic with 10 being the highest?

A: I think our relationship had toxic characteristics but was a solid relationship. I would rate the toxic a 3 on the scale. 

**I’d say this relationship was an 8, but touche I guess. This is why it’s important to hear the other side.

Q: What do you think should have been done to prevent the relationship from becoming toxic?

A: I believe more communication should have been established. The less we talked then the worse things became. 

Q: I know we took a break and that's when things got worse. Do you think that taking breaks hurt or heal a relationship? I believe that breaks are like a free pass to see other people without being a cheater, what do you think?

A: My view is that breaks definitely hurt relationships. It gives room for other people to come in and feelings to be lost or at least become complicated.

Sidenote: Don’t do breaks, EVER!

Q: I remember that one time I looked through your phone during our break and discovered that you had sex with another girl, did you ever wonder if she got pregnant, what would happen to us? Or think that if I found out, how it would affect us if we got back together after our break?

A: The worst part about having that break is that during it, you become really selfish and forgot about my feelings. I did worry about those things such as pregnancy afterwards, but it was too much me instead of we. 

Q: Would you say that you truly loved me or was it more so lust?

A:  It was true love from my position. The actions shown during the break were careless however they never displayed how I really felt because the love side was real. 

Q: Did you ever cheat on me while we were together and not on a break? If so, why?

A:  I never cheated once during the relationship **This is because we were on a break when he had sex with other women, so technically we weren’t in a relationship, therefore it’s not considered cheating.

Q: What could/should I have done differently to be a better girlfriend?

A: You could have continued to be you and kept us closer. I think a lot of the time, you would get caught in your own world which we all do but it could have been more "Us Time."

Q: What were 3 of my best traits and 3 of my worst traits as a girlfriend?

A: Loving, Honest, and Thoughtful then the others 3 would be Paranoid, Over thinker, and Worried.

Q: Did our relationship affect you mentally when going into the next relationship? I know for me, I had serious trust issues.

A:  Yes, it affected me because I objectively looked at what I did and didn't do to make our relationship successful. I was cautious of guy friends present. 

Q: Lastly, what advice do you have for women to avoid being cheated on or being in a toxic relationship?

A: My advice would be to stay open and communicate. The willingness for a relationship to work is between the two people in it. Believe the old saying of "If there is a will, then there is a way."

Well there you have it guys, now you have a little insight on a male’s perspective on their contribution to toxic relationships versus women. Hopefully this helps you avoid getting in a toxic relationship or being cheated on. As you can see, communication, honesty and quality time are key elements to a healthy relationship.

Comment below your thoughts and perspectives or even questions.