2020 Valentine’s Day Message-Self Love is Better Than Fake Love

I know Valentine’s Day may bring different emotions for those who are single. They could feel happiness, sadness, depression, loneliness and even desperation. I know this Valentine’s Day, my experience was more so happiness and contentment. I felt secured.

It’s ironic that I felt more secured and cheerful while single on Valentine’s Day than I felt in the previous years while in a relationship! That’s probably because I had high expectations and fake love from the wrong people which are the wrong elements of a successful Valentine’s Day celebration.

Valentine’s Day is a day of love, happiness and generosity. When you love someone, you show generosity through either gifts or time and this creates happiness. You can’t achieve any of those three without true genuine love which starts from within. That’s why many say that self-love is the best love, but I say that self-love is the best love because it’s better than fake love. You can’t fake love yourself, it’s either you love yourself or you don’t. If you don’t, you depend on someone else to give you love. This can be dangerous to rely on someone else to give you something you don’t even know how to give yourself, because you don’t know how to (that’s an entire sermon right there sis). I think a lot of us women face this problem. We turn to men to love us and nurse us when we don’t know how to nurse or love ourselves, which can create abuse, being taken advantage of or a breakup.

If you don’t know, fake love derives from someone who you are in a relationship with that pretends to love you only for their benefit, which could range from money, sex, resources, opportunities, etc. You may have something they want, and they pretend to show love and affection, but deep down, they don’t like or respect you. They show fake love just so they can have access to it or even take your position from it. It’s like they smile in your face, but whole time they want to take your place, sound familiar?

The best way to combat fake love is through self-love. When you love yourself, this can illicit real love because only you know what’s best for you and how to give it to yourself. When a man or even a friend approaches you with fake love, you’re more likely to discern it because you know what’s best for you.

For Valentine’s Day this year, I had brunch with Secured Society and one of the table topics I asked was “what does it look like to love yourself?” and this is what they answered with:

1.     Getting out of your comfort zone

2.     Losing fear of things, including rejection or loneliness

3.     Communicating with others that you can’t attend everything you’re invited to

4.     Committing to a day of self-care (trips to the spa, meditation, travel, candle lit baths, taking a well-deserved nap, etc.)

5.     Trying new things and exploring what’s around you (I love exploring Atlanta by the way)

These steps can help you become more secure which will allow you to attract what you deserve which is real love. I read in an article once that the most attractive thing that men find in women is their self-confidence. Being confident shows you know exactly what you want and you won’t settle, even if it means being alone on Valentine’s Day or leaving him on read!

Quick self love tip: get up every morning, look in the mirror and say “Good morning Beautiful” then you won’t feel the need to have someone tell you it because you already know you are! Try it for a week and see how it makes you feel, you’ll thank me later.

Anyways, I hope this helps you enjoy your Valentine’s Day weekend and if you want to learn more on this topic, read Being Single For The Holidays.